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February 15, 2017

just google it...

So I have this life motto and it is my answer for literally everything. So much so that I always get made fun of for it by my friends, but I don't care because I still stand by it...

"...Google It"

It seriously started when I popped out my kid. I was a young mom just winging it most of the time [still am winging it, by the way]. And like most new moms I freaked out about every.itty.bitty.little.thing. Every single bump, noise, sneeze, fart, weird hair, food aversion, baby boner, correct pacifier size, and milestone delay.

Unlike, what seems to be A LOT of moms lately, I started googling EVERYTHING. No, this does not make me a doctor and I don't claim to be proficient in all things baby/toddler/child. It does however make me resourceful and save me from asking dumb inane questions in those Facebook mom groups. 

This has got to be one of my top pet peeve. It's right up there with those fuckers at a four-way stop who are ALREADY STOPPED when you pull up, but they make damn sure to wait until you stop before they go. Like you're just going to drive up, slow down to an almost complete stop, and then all of a sudden decide to accelerate and plow through the stop. For fucks sake, you've been stopped for a whole minute and if you had just gone then I could already be going. NOW we both have to be stopped and acknowledge that we are both fucking stopped before you will go. I am a mom, I have shit to do, just fucking GO! [oops, rant over]

Anyways, I can.not stand mothers who post the dumbest shit in those mom groups/chats/forums etc. Do you know how many times I saw different mom's asking where they can find rain boots? At least 5 times in January. FUCK, Susan, just google "kids rain boots for sale."


Oh, Melissa, there are MANY companies that provide infant CPR training, including hospitals. Just type in that little search bar "Infant CPR class in xyz city". You know what would have happened (or probably already did happen) was she asked her OBGYN and they told her, "oh I'm sure there are many places where you live that provide this service just look it up" and she thought, "you know what I'll do? I'll ask a group of moms that I don't know on Facebook." Ultimately she got 20 conflicting responses, still had to research all of their responses, and in the end it will take 10x longer than if she had just GOOGLED IT.
This one confuses me because, like, are you not from California, Wendy? If you aren't then why are you asking for CA specifically and why are you in this group? Also, Google it. Google will give you a much more clear, concise answer and have the actual law specifications.  

Are you for real, Tandra? This is a "Mom Group" not a "Let me ask the most random questions that pop into my head Group." FUCK. 

I feel a little bit sorry for Brittany. She's probably a young mom worried about her sick baby, but come on, Brittany! How the hell are we supposed to know what's wrong with your babe after you gave THE MOST vague of all symptoms. He's sick! Take him to the doctor or give him some baby Tylenol and see if he gets better in a day or two. It's not like this is the first time her kiddo has been sick either. By the time my kid was two, I was in that "if he's not vomiting, have a horrible rash, or diarrhea, let's just wait and see if this sickness goes away in like 48 hours, if not then we will consider a doctor" phase.  

I think I'm mostly just annoyed with how this post is phrased. Every time I see "Ty" I think of Beanie Babies and have to remember "oh yeah, people have a hard time typing out Thank You." Also, you're in a Moms Group for a specific city. That city also has a recreation center that provides all sports for kids of all ages. Fucking look it up on your city website. If that's too hard, then GOOGLE IT. 

...

There are a lot of things that I have NO clue about. I don't always know what sports league is what and where or what my kid is supposed to wear or bring. BUT we live in such an amazing time that Google might just be my best friend. I google the shit out of everything so I can pretend to be a pro by the time we show up to any sort of practice/game/school/events etc.  

Ladies, it is all about pretending like you know what you are doing! That is what being a mom is all about. Trust me, most moms are losing their shit and winging it. But then we pull it together and act like we have got it all figured out.** The more you post these dumb ass questions, the less it looks like we have our shit together. Stop ruining it for the rest of us. 

rant over.

xx,

#HOTMESSMOM

** Disclaimer: I definitely don't have it all figured it out and I am definitely always losing my shit. 

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